Why the Sky king isn’t allowed to go anywhere without women.

“I still don’t get it”

“What specifically do you not get?”

“I mean, I understand that my mother agreed to ‘license my brain patterns’ in exchange for fertility treatments and neural implants, and I understand those brain patterns are going to be used to create the battleMind of a brand new space battleship. But that’s just a bunch of ‘how’ questions. I don’t understand WHY you need my brain in particular. Even with the implants I’m still just a regular girl. I’m not an immortal space warrior god like you are.”

“That’s actually a very hard question to answer in terms a girl like you would understand.”

“You know I hate you sometimes.”

“How bout I tell you a story instead.”

“If I say no you’ll probably find a different way to tell me anyways.”

The Skyking places a finger on his forehead and pulls out a symbol made out of glowing lines. The symbol is folded several times before being placed into the girl’s forehead. Reality dissolves and suddenly the girl finds herself viewing a scene as an inactive participant.

Skyking is visiting a small village in a mountain pass overlooking the desert.

The people are afraid.

There is an army of iron chariots on the horizon. They will pass through the village, and the village will be crushed under their wheels.

“Rejoice people of planet dirt, I the great unconquered son of heaven have come to save your helpless village. I require only that you accept this gift from my mother the Queen.

The sky king turns his gaze to the army on the horizon, then he looks up to the Day star, and back down to his tablet, before reciting the sacred incantation.

“Fire mission, armored division at 40.17542, -123.9785, request three kinetic strike packages, fire for effect.”

In orbit, the Queen of Heaven releases three bundles of tungsten rods and de-orbits them upon the exact coordinates specified by her Son’s mortal avatar.

Lightning first, then thunder, and an entire armored division is wiped off the face of the earth. The village is saved.

“After that, the people couldn’t get enough of the handsome young soldier from heaven.” Sky-king alternates between talking to the villagers, and to nobody in particular.

“But that turned out to be an even bigger problem than an army of armored chariots. People didn’t want me to leave. They wanted me to marry their daughters, and you know me, I’m literally incapable of saying no to a woman.”

“So you married a bunch of humans?” The girl who had up to this point only been listening, suddenly realizes that she could speak the whole time.

“Oh yes, the physical body I was wearing at the time was more than 99.9% compatible with human biology. Not only that, I believe the nano-machine cultures I was carrying at the time were capable of spreading immunity factor to various common diseases via sexual contact. My descendants probably still live on that planet, even if they hate me for what happened to their city afterwards.”

“…City? I thought it was a village? Do I really want to know what happens next? Or are you just going to tell me anyways?”

“Only as long as you keep asking the wrong questions, anyways. Because you’re still a minor and because I don’t want to bore you, I’ll just say that with my help the village became a regionally powerful city state. Now don’t get the wrong idea, It wasn’t just me fucking a bunch of cute local girls. With the help of modern medicine, and the protection of actual gods, the humans were doing lots of human things. It could have happened with or without my genes, but I’m not going to deny that I was getting laid, like a lot.”

“So where’s the part where things go bad? Things always go bad in your stories, you aren’t just a big sexy hero. I’ve seen you ruin people’s lives, and not just the ones who get tungsten rods dropped on their heads.”

“Yes, in many ways the people I kill have it easy, their pain ends before they even hear the sound of thunder, which can’t be said for the people who live to witness it… But you still want to know don’t you.”

“I’ve already seen you call in an orbital strike. It was just a training exercise, but I still know what it looks like. That’s not what we’re talking about though. What happened to the city.”

“Short answer is, the city was destroyed by the same fire from the heavens that destroyed the iron chariots which once threatened the small village.”

“And the long answer.”

“I’ll save that story for another time, but I think you already know the answer. But make no mistake, I haven’t been to that planet in centuries, and they still recite the mantra ‘skyking skyking, do not answer’ least I bless them a second time.”

“But what does this have to do with me?”

“Well, you see, if I had you, or somebody like you with me at the time, the villagers would have assumed you were my wife, and would not have felt compelled to marry their daughters off to me. And if my wives were more like you, I wouldn’t have felt compelled to destroy a city full of my own children. The Uniun’s warMinds have determined that it’s safer for everyone involved if I have a female chaperone at all times, they won’t even let me leave this planet until you or somebody else just like you is ready to come with me.  That’s the Why to all the Hows in your life. I’m trying to get you up to speed so I can go back to having awesome adventures killing nazis across the galaxy.”

“That just opens up a bunch of other questions.”

“Consider this your punishment for asking too many questions.”

“I guess I’ll stop for now, but I imagine this lesson isn’t over yet.”

“Now that, is 100% correct.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s