Worse than Hitler

The worst job in history, is the Time Police Security Detail tasked with preventing the assassination of Adolf Hitler.

In the timelines where Nazi Germany does not rise to power, a non nuclear war between east and west destroys civilization as we know it. So says the Time Police’s quantum-hyper-computer. (more on this latter) In order to protect the future, Adolf Hitler must be allowed to rise to power, and then defeated by the Allied forces on April 30th 1945.

Hitler’s regime may not have been the most oppressive, nor was the Holocaust the largest genocide in history. However, the timing and impact of WWII grants it a great deal of notoriety among the human cultures which would eventually invent time travel.

If you remove Hitler, you remove the conditions which caused these cultures to develop in the first place, and herein lies the problem. While minor adjustments (such as the Spelling of Berenstein/Berenstain) can be tolerated, alterations which would prevent or cause an entire war and genocide must be prevented at all costs.

To this effect, the time police deploys a entire squad into Hitler’s personal SS bodyguards, along with dozens of sleeper agents at key points in the life of Hitler and his immediate ancestors. In the event that this fails, the Time Police also monitors several possible backup Fuhrers ready to lead Nazi Germany in the event “Adolph Alpha” is compromised.

Once Hitler becomes the Chancellor of Germany, the agents reveal their presence to him. Claiming to be Aryan supermen from the future, the tell him that they have been sent to ensure the glorious future of the master race. In reality, this is a lie. Any time Hitler asks his new friends about the future, they respond with details stolen from various 20th century sci-fi novels.

The charade is dropped on April 30th 1945, just 10 days after his 56th birthday. As the Red Army storms Berlin, The “Aryan supermen” drop their holographic disguises, revealing their true form as multi-racial gender-queer cyborgs. They then inform Hitler of the truth. Not only does Nazi Germany fail, it fails on every timeline regularly patrolled by the Time Police. This revelation, combined with the Russian assault, and the large amounts of methamphetamine Hitler had consumed on his birthday, is sufficient to completely destroy his will to live 100% of the time.

Once Hitler has committed suicide, the time police clean up any lose ends, mind-wiping or eliminating any witnesses, and shifting out just moments before the arrival of the Red Army. Similar operations are preformed in every timeline under Time Police jurisdiction, and the mental toll it takes on new agents is devastating. Tasked with grooming an innocent young boy to be a genocidal dictator, becoming his best friend, and then driving him to suicide, many agents opt to have their memories wiped, or commit suicide themselves afterwards.

This is just one of the many necessary tragedies faced by the idealistic young agents who sign up for Time Police duty. Lured by the promise of adventure and free tuition in the greatest schools across history (Want to study in Plato’s academy? Just sign here) most are simply not ready for the hard choices necessary to “Protect the future.”

Understandably, the Time Police is not without it’s critics. These critics are quick to point out that there is no way to determine if any future is better than any other, and that the futures protected by the Time Police all happen to be futures in which Time travel technology and the Time Police Quantum-Hyper-computer exists.

The Time Police Quantum-Hyper-computer of course assures everyone that it’s existence is ultimately necessary. Without it’s ability to synchronize with all other versions of itself and predict possible timelines, the Time Police would be Unable to preform it’s job. Furthermore, without Time Travel, the Time Police Quantum-Hyper-computer would be unable to ensure it’s own existence and protect the timelines. In a world of infinite timelines and infinite possibilities,  There are Some things, much Worse than Hitler.

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